do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
The last mom I slept with was the worst lay ever. Imagine fucking a hairy wet pillow for 60 minutes. Good luck with your milf. I was joking about the Susan Boyle comment btw.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
