i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
I'm drugging my best friend. I'm like a whole new level of bitch.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake đź‘Ś
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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