Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
