So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
bring money and cleavage
The walls are thin & apartments are narrow so all the bedrooms are next to each other. Our complex could compete in synchronized orgasms.
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
The ride home was alright, we hooked up in the street next to his car after he smashed into the guard rail
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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