Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Sex on acid. Try it. I thought we were fucking in outer space with fireworks inside a rocketship car. Best.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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