Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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