ya dads aren't the best wingmen
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Is it mean that I just sent him a pic of my tits with the header, "say bye bye?"
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
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