i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
My vagina is very pro this idea
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
