Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
did you just send me my own nude
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
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