Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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