I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
you kept telling everyone that you were the mayor of silverware town
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
I'm in a corner eating carrots and drinking champagne. I've hit a new kind of low.
How is that low? I love carrots.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Your friends are scaring the cats so I'm going to smoke weed with them to call them down.
I swear to fucking god if he takes away netflix I will have no problem sending his gf our sex videos
Randomize
