Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
someone get that fucking seahorse.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
no where in the syllabus does it say "no alcoholic beverages allowed".
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
I have alcoholic tendencies but you know what? College
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
Randomize