this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Did you pee in the oven last night??
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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