Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
He was feeling me up but acting like he was asleep. Like WTF does that mean??
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
I would fuck him just for his dog
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
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