WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
If I don't have the money by then, I'll pay you in sex.
It's going to be 23.5 times of sex and 19 blow jobs. I just googled it.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
