Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
