her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
Green mimosas i think yes
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
He rode my dog to the bathroom and wouldn't stop laughing once he got in. It was scary.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize