now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
At one point during the moaning he reminded me of Forrest Gump
Does transporting jello shots count as driving with an open container?
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
Costco cheesecake and whisky. A night made in heaven
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Randomize
