Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
Randomize
