I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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