worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
The dingo escaped by eating a hole through my screen door. It's loose in the city somewhere.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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