69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Randomize