Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize