Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
Send me another check for the tickets. I scratched out "anal wax" and now the bank won't take it.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
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