Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
Party at my house. Beach themed. Clothing optional.
Wouldn't that make it "Nude Beach Themed?"
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
Randomize
