i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
