Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
P.S. I can't hear my feet
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The beauty of getting kicked out of college again is I can fuck my professor's brains out and she can't get fired now
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
