Me too!
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
