What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
i just want a beer and a blow job. is that so much to ask?
and i just want a ring so i can stop faking it. is that?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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