im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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