she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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