I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I tried to cut him off and he said "I was the president of a fraternity for 3 years, I could outdrink God."
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
This will never work. His dick is smaller than mine.
Wow. And yours is kind of small.
RIGHT?
Randomize
