One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
apparently my insurance doesn't cover road head. Bummer.
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
