He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My drug dealer is giving me a 15% veterans discount on my weed for nov 11th
That's the best thing I've heard all week.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
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