I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
