Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
he wanted to give me a nickname... my choices were superjugs,godzilla boobs or mouth of fury
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
