Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
That's because I've spent the past 21 years convincing my parents the only emotions I have are sarcasm and bitterness.
The neighbor just poured gasoline on his 2 brush fires and proceeded to shoot Roman candles at them 🤔
Randomize
