just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
Is it bad that your cum tickles when I swallow it?
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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