Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
She told me to wait on the sofa while she freshened up. She's been in the bathroom for an hour. I have a bad feeling about this.
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
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