My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I want a musical about memes.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
