My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I don't know how I'm going to know it's her, I only know what she looks like with a wig on
SHE COULD ALREADY BE HERE AND I WOULDN'T EVEN KNOW
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
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