I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Ended up in some house where this dude has a $1200 leopard cat
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
