Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
He invited me over for shower sex and pizza. Officially the best booty call relationship around.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
So my balls are accidently making an appearance on snapchat
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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