If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
I just broke a sweat masturbating on a Friday night. I may need a boyfriend.
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Step 1 was make out with him. so now we just need to come up with step 2.
Randomize
