awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
