I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Most violent shit of my life. New Years resolution of eating better is already kicking me in the face.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Randomize
