i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
