There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
HE MIGHT HAVE YOUR BUTTHOLE, BUT HE CANT HAVE YOUR HEART. THATS MINE.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
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