After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
I can't be held responsible for another man's penis.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
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