So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just realized that my mother and I have the same favorite sex position, Guess which one!
OMG! Ew.
Lucky Dad.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
dunno man, last I saw him he bet me he could eat more ranch the me, then ran off
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Randomize
