i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
bad news.. campus security walked me home last night and when i tried to tell them where i lived they assured me they knew where our house was.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
