So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
at some point i feel off my bar stool straight into the arms of a gay guy. just my luck.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
Randomize
