It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Your vagina must be outstanding or have a secret entrance to Narnia if someone is will to fly from Texas for one night of it.
Randomize
