We're facebook friends in real life
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
She makes me want to eat babies and throw kittens in pots of boiling water.
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
I might be a bit late, couldn't find my pants and had to go to the police station. Unrelated
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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