WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
