i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
One time she made a chronological chart for the guys she has given blow jobs to, I shit you not.
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
The maid moved your bed and found almost 40 used condoms and wrappers. She just looks at me and says "Dave?"
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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