I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I may be Daddy's little princess, but doesn't mean I can't be the blowjob queen.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
Shhhh less advice, more soothing words and dirty phrases
my underwear is inside out , I have a giant hickie. I'm wearing last nights makeup. this is going to be the best day at work ever
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