eating mexican with the mother in law. this meal made her decide to tell us about her colon cleansing diet
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
My parents left me the house for the weekend...you know what that means?!
Harry Potter marathon and no pants.
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