shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
