i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
