Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
Yeah I mean I think I need to stop living off of snacks and alcohol
So I just went to clothing optional bar
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize
