HIV tests are more positive than that guy
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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