he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Can you bring me the toilet please
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
