I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
Randomize