so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
You had me at "let me see your balls"
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
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