is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Never joke about your clitoris.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
Randomize
