I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
your mom just called me and asked me why i'm not in jail with you right now.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
Randomize
