You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
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